


The Vessel

by biblionerd07



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Jimmy teaching Cas, but he doesn't understand humans, cas has emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 08:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1297585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biblionerd07/pseuds/biblionerd07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has trouble ignoring his vessel's soul the way other angels do, and it leads to Jimmy teaching him an important lesson about humans, emotions, and love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Vessel

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this huge desire for Cas and Jimmy to have conversations sometimes even though the other angels probably wouldn't like it. This is set sometime after 4x20 but before Cas goes full renegade from Heaven.

Castiel knew it annoyed the Winchesters when he flew off in the middle of a conversation, but they often frustrated and confused him to the point that he had to leave. Plus, he had a promise to keep just then. He landed in the parking lot of a middle school in Illinois and shielded himself from human eyes.

“Thank you.” Jimmy’s voice murmured in the back of his head. “You don’t know how much it means for me to be able to see them.”

“Actually, I do, because I can feel your emotions.” Castiel pointed out. “But you’re welcome.”

Castiel hadn’t mentioned this to any of the other angels. He had a suspicion it would be frowned upon, if not completely prohibited, and he was already on a thin line with Heaven these days. He just knew that he had taken over Jimmy Novak’s life and had, effectively, ended it. His wife and daughter could never see him again. It caused Jimmy no small amount of grief. Castiel knew that some angels, like Uriel, completely ignored the souls of their vessels. They inhabited the body and shut the soul away until the soul lost itself in a corner of its own mind. Castiel couldn’t seem to do this. He could feel Jimmy’s pain, even when he kept Jimmy partitioned off, and it distressed Castiel. Some of his brothers had teased Castiel (as much as angels could tease, which Castiel had realized after spending time with the Winchesters wasn’t much) for years about his empathy for humans. But Castiel couldn’t get much done with Jimmy’s soul distraught in the back of his mind. And the only way he could ease Jimmy’s heartache was to pop in on Amelia and Claire every once in a while. He wouldn’t let them see him—he and Jimmy agreed that would be harder on Amelia and especially Claire—but it made Jimmy feel better to see them and know they were doing alright.

Tonight, Claire had a school play, and Castiel had promised Jimmy they would go watch. Castiel stayed hidden as they waited for an opening in the crowd to walk in. Castiel could have used his wings, but he’d learned it wasn’t always prudent to do that in a crowd. Dean had taught him popping up too closely to people was frightening (though Dean termed it _annoying_ and _creepy_ , Castiel had felt his anxiety the first few times it had happened), and even if they couldn’t see him, they could feel his presence.

They got inside and Castiel found a spot close enough to the stage that Jimmy could discern Claire’s face. He kept on the lookout for Amelia, but he didn’t see her before the lights dimmed and the curtain rose. Claire was quite dynamic, judging by the audience’s reaction to her. If Jimmy had had control of the vessel ( _his body_ , Castiel thought, a tough guiltily), there would have been tears rolling down his face. Castiel wanted to turn away from such a private, emotional moment, but it was hard to hide from a soul sharing the same body as you.

Castiel was preparing to take flight after the lights came back on, but Jimmy’s voice gave him pause. “Please, a few more minutes.” Jimmy begged. “Just let me see Amelia.”

“Don’t you think that will be harder?” Castiel asked. He was genuinely curious about the human propensity to indulge in behaviors that would knowingly cause emotional pain.

“I just need to know that she’s okay. Please, Castiel.” Jimmy rarely used his name, since Castiel was the only person he could talk to, anyway.

“I will look for two minutes.” Castiel said. “And if I don’t see her in those two minutes, you’ll have to be satisfied with seeing the play.”

“Yes, of course.” Jimmy answered, sounding a touch sulky. Castiel thought he was being more than generous considering the impending apocalypse he was trying to stop, but he did as promised and swiveled around. It took a moment, but he spotted Amelia making her way to the stage. She was followed closely by a man who was tall and fair and looked almost the opposite of Jimmy, a man who had a gentle hand on the small of her back in a way that Castiel recognized as intimate and showing a close bond, most likely sexual in nature.

“Oh.” Jimmy’s voice was a gasp in Castiel’s mind and Castiel felt a pang of pity. But under the layers of pain and jealousy, Castiel felt happiness in Jimmy’s soul.

“Happy?” He asked wonderingly. “You’re happy that she’s with someone else?” Humans did not make any sense whatsoever.

“I love her.” Jimmy answered simply. “I want her to be happy. If that man will make her happy…then I’m glad she found him.” He was sad, but he wasn't lying.

Castiel didn’t fully understand Jimmy’s emotions, but then again, he never had. He could understand selflessness, since he was an angel, after all, and did what was required without thought for himself, but all he’d seen of human bonds led him to believe seeing your wife with someone else would be a bad thing. Instead Jimmy was feeling comforted, albeit in a mournful kind of way.

“You’ve disobeyed orders to get close to Dean Winchester.” Jimmy’s voice was mild, but Castiel felt like he was being accused of something.

“I’ve never disobeyed _direct_ orders.” Castiel corrected, not necessarily helping his own case very much. Jimmy didn’t say anything to that, his silence confirming that he’d won the argument. Still, Castiel didn’t think it was the same thing. He had formed an affinity for Dean, and, by extension, Sam, but he didn’t think it was the same. And he didn’t have time—or desire—to contemplate it. He gave Jimmy a last look at Claire before taking flight to return to his duties.

Later, when everything had changed and Dean had lost Sam, when Castiel desperately needed help and found Dean raking leaves from the yard Dean shared with Lisa and Ben, Castiel felt he finally understood what Jimmy had meant. Castiel knew by then that he didn’t necessarily want to see Dean with Lisa. Seeing Dean contented with someone else gave Castiel a pang of something he didn’t care to examine. But the point was he was seeing Dean at peace, and Castiel suddenly found himself unable to break that peace. It was ridiculous, really, with the importance of the task at hand, but Castiel realized he would rather do _anything_ else than pull Dean’s new life off track.

Though he knew Jimmy couldn’t hear it, Castiel sent a silent word of thanks to the corner of Heaven Jimmy’s soul had been given for his services as a vessel. In many ways, it was Dean who taught Castiel about being human, but Jimmy had been the first to unearth actual emotion in Castiel. Sometimes Castiel felt he could curse Jimmy for that, because he’d learned emotions weren’t always happy—in the time Castiel had been feeling emotion, he’d felt more pain than joy. But standing there, watching Dean rake leaves and sing under his breath and swear at the trash bag quietly as it tried to float away on a gentle breeze, no gun or knife in the waistband of his jeans and less tension in his shoulders than Castiel had ever seen, Castiel was grateful for all Jimmy had taught him. He turned away, ignoring the almost-physical pain of doing so, and left Dean to his happiness.


End file.
